May you find the home that you seek
In your arms I found mine
May you find the warmth and safe space that I gave
In another I hope you grow
Water your garden and grow your flowers
So, you may walk in peace and light
Heal your mind, your heart and your soul
So, for a another you are whole
For yourself you are whole
Fill your cup and never let it be empty
Fill it with love for yourself
Face the mirror with courage
That’s you, you made you
Be kind to you
Oct 25, 2022 11:42 PM
If forever was our aim
I’d like to think it’s us through and through
That forever didn’t end in a quarter of a decade
That goodbye didn’t haven’t “bye”
This is something I don’t want to lose
You are someone I don’t want to lose
Happy ending was the goal
You were my person
You are my person
You were the end game
You are my end game
So, I look at moon
And wish you and me
That it’s us in this life time
And the next
May You Never
May you never have to question your position on where you stand in someone’s life; the life of the one who claims to love you
May they never tell you and make you feel like an option when they were your choice to begin with
May you find the one who will never let you go to sleep mad, sad, overthinking… the one who wraps their arms tightly around you when they wake up in the middle of the night
May you find the one who holds you when you cry and never tell you that you’re weak for crying over things that overwhelm you or the things that are important to you but are not to them
May you find the one who listens and holds you while you cry oceans over petty or deep things; the one who cherishes the moments when you lay down your guard
May you find the one who’s ready to lend a hand when you fall on your knees; the one who’ll let you pick yourself up but is ready to carry you when you need them to
May you find the one who holds you when you’re falling apart; the one who would cross rivers and oceans for you
May you find the one to hold your hand as you go through storms; the one who’ll go with you wherever you venture to
May you find the one who respects your opinions, your boundaries and acknowledges your efforts and your presence; the one who appreciates you
May you find the one who makes you genuinely and truly happy; the one who will tell you that you’re beautiful and make you feel you’re worthy
May you find the one who’s proud to call you theirs; the one who’ll never hide you from the world
May you find the one who will meet you halfway and fight for what you have as fiercely as you do; the one that deserves you
May you find the one who gives love as much as you do; the one who’ll never be scared to tell you “I love you”
May you never settle for less than what you deserve
Empty
When the anchors that used to ground you, no longer serves its purpose; with its rusted and frail chains that swivel through the stormy seas, no longer clings to you.
Leaving you to float through the cold, wide and open sea.
A sea that’s no longer friendly, the once warm and welcoming sea that turned into an enemy.
An enemy so deep, so dark, so cold… unfamiliar…
When the sand that once shined so bright like the sun lighting up the night, is now tainted and tarred. The sand that paved the path and lead you to destinations and paradise; no longer paved ways, only lead you to a journey of never ending darkness, a path of endless pivots and turns with no certainty of a destination.
No sight, no light and gave you all the reasons for a fright.
The wind that once sang a song of promise, now howls into the moon like a wolf.
The wind that once calmed the trees; now fights so fervently with rage and broke it, leaving destruction around it.
Leaving pieces of you flying, whirling with no direction.
The adventure that turned into a nightmare; the decision that turned into regret.
The ‘all or nothing’ that left you with nothing
The hopeful start that seems to end with tragedy
An endless loop of questions with temporary answers
A cycle of people passing by but never seeing you
You.
What are you?
Just a body.
Just a vessel.
No soul.
Just empty.
The Culture of Toxicity
The pandemic brought rise to the culture of toxicity
Where work does know the boundaries of life
Where bosses call you late at night
Where 8 hour shifts turned into 15-18 hours and 10 hours of that is free
Where weekends are still spent working because no amount of hours can cover your never ending workload
Where responding at 1 AM is dubbed as agility
Where wanting to rest is dubbed as weakness
Where saying no is not an option
Where being human is unacceptable
Does that sound like complaining and ranting to you? Of course it does, because it is.
Do you see me as ungrateful for having a job? I’m sure you’re gonna screw it in my head that we need to be grateful that we still do have one when everyone is losing theirs.
Trust me, I am. But gratitude is being overpowered by the feeling of being taken advantage of and that’s not something I am okay with.
It’s amazing how you can twist gratitude as accepting a situation that is unfair.
This toxic culture is not worth it
Not worth to all the hours you should have spent with your family
Not worth all the hours you should have spent resting
Not worth the anxiety, the insomnia and panic attack
Let’s be honest, you are growing.
But you’re growing negatively; you are learning to harness hate.
You are receiving derogatory words as soon you wake up to the time that you sleep
You receive comments questioning your ability and knowledge
You wake up to do your best, to pass your limits, to make the impossible possible, to make shit happen but you’re still not worth the appraisal.
Whatever you do, whatever situation you overcome, you’re still not worth that promotion. And you never will be.
So go, leave.
Go somewhere where you will grow positively.
Leave the culture of toxicity.
For Love
When all you want is for love to be there
For love to wrap their arms around you
To feel safe, to feel secure, to feel warmth
For love to wrap their arms around
To heal, to hold you together
For love kiss your forehead and tell you “everything will be okay”
For love to just be there as you collect yourself
For love to be ready to lend a hand when stand on your own and fall back down
For love to be silent, for love to listen
For love to kiss you
For love say “I love you”
For love to understand
For love to know that you would do the same for them
For love to never give up
For love to put you first for once
For love to stay
For love to grow
For love to say goodnight
And for love to stay till the morning light
Tonight
Tonight, I accept the moon’s embrace
The cold winds that burrow through my thin skin
Tonight, I let the dark sky lead me to nothing, lead me to empty
Because the stars refuse to shine their light for me tonight
Refuse to be the guiding grace
Refuse to show the path
Because nothing ever really last
So, I wander, ice cold, barefoot, in darkness I ponder
If nights continue to be longer, grow stronger
Young woman, I beg of you to learn to walk through dark
Without sight, without light, without flickers of even candle lights
I beg of you to let the cold winds find a home in you
Feel, adapt, till the cold no longer bothers you
Trust in your every step, it’s soft, it’s cold, it’s wet, it hurts you murmur
Young woman, hold on, don’t stop, keep walking
Until you get to welcome the sun’s embrace again
The Art of Giving Him Space
You know that feeling when you had a very long, tiring and dragging day and all you want to do is be with your boo? So, he can hold you while you rant all the negative plausibility of your day.
Well, he gets those days too, maybe stress is eating him up, something really bad came up, he’s really tired or he’s entering that state of “nothing is going right in my life right now”, regardless of negative intensity, those days exist.
Of course, your first instinct is to go to him and to ask him what’s wrong and if he wants to talk about it but that’s not really how men work. I have observed 3 reactions from this situation:
A. He brushes things off and tells you to distract him
B. He has an unenthusiastic answer until you pry for a more concrete answer, then he gets annoyed and finally tells you
C. He dismisses your question completely and have a grave expression on his face
When reaction C comes along you keep on reaching out to him, I know you want to help him that’s why you keep on prying and forcing to get an answer but honey, he will only explode, may start a fight and push you away. Which, will highly likely result to your feelings getting hurt (and you might make the situation about you when this happens). You need to understand that men are not like women, they do not have that constant need to confide their feelings when everything goes south.
This is a sign that he needs his space to collect himself, to set his life straight, to think or to not think. Allow him that space, allow him that space that he needs for himself, this will do him good.
I know a relationship is a two-way thing, but at moments like these when you want to say so many things, what you can do is to understand, hold your tongue, kiss your man on the forehead and exit the room or let him be.
One way or the other, everybody goes through this, it’s unavoidable, we are only humans after all, governed by our overwhelming emotions that we could do or say things that we don’t mean.
Sometimes, all we need is a moment for ourselves to reflect, to not think, to feel, to think, to rest, to set our feelings and thoughts straight… alone.
Being alone is as important as having someone there to watch and hold you as you pick yourself up when you fall.
By the end of the day, when he is ready to tell you, he will.
The Solo Trip
I recently went on a solo trip up the north to seek new perspectives, try things I have never tried before and most importantly find healing, not really knowing what I was getting myself into, I just knew that I wanted to do this. I have been planning on going on a solo trip for a while now and I just didn’t know what was stopping me. So, while I was working my last weeks at my old company, I was looking at my motivation quotes displayed on my desk, like I always do when I get too stressed out, and my eyes chanced upon the quote “What’s stopping you?” followed by “There will never be a perfect time” then wham-bam-pajama-slaaaaaam! I decided I wouldn’t hold myself back from doing this any longer, yes, it’s scary but hey, if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try, if I tell my sister this, I better live up to it.
I went to 3 places for about 3 and half days, overnight in each of them. First, I went to La Union, this place is ultimately foreign to me, we pass it whenever we go to Baguio but we never really did stay or went to the beach there. Second place would be Baguio, I’m familiar with the place but not an expert on it and I wanted to try beers from Baguio Craft Brewery. Third place would be my birthplace, Manaoag, I wanted to go home and visit Our Lady of Manaoag, to seek guidance for the decisions that I was about to make and for the new journey that I’m about to take because I was clueless, I was lost, and I wanted direction.
Now, for the moment that everybody has been waiting for, finding answers to their questions! I mostly got what was my budget for a certain place, to address this, I will be sharing my budget with a sample of my itinerary for each place that I visited, so you can just pick which one you wanna read about. Please do note that I really didn’t have an itinerary, I just knew what I wanted to try, where I wanted to eat, where I wanted to go and come what may, so these are my working itineraries and just made itself out along the way. Also, google map will be your best friend during your trip, so make sure you always have data or pocket wifi with you.
Travel dates: March 8 – 11, 2018 (Thursday to Sunday)
LA UNION
Where did I stay: Flotsam and Jetsam Hostel
Budget: 1080 per bed/per night for their 4 bed AC room with breakfast
Book here: https://apac.littlehotelier.com/properties/flotsamandjetsamhostel?locale=en
How to get there from Manila: Ride a Partas bus bound for Abra or Vigan tell the conductor that you are going to San Juan, La Union. Usually, if your hotel is along the highway they drop you off there, I got off across the highway of Flotsam and Jetsam. Travel time is around 4-7 hours, depending on what time you leave the Metro.
What did I do there?
I was being my mermaid self and was mostly out by the beach, taking in all the vitamin D that I can. The sound of the waves crashing to the shore calms my mind.
EXIF_HDL_ID_1
I went to El Union Café for brunch, I had their grilled cheese and The Dirty White coffee. I highly reco that you go and grab coffee there, it’s so chill and millennial and everything, I can’t even describe it. They have great food and great people who work there who provide good conversation. It was relatively chill the time that I went to La Union, it was a good decision that I went there on a Thursday because I enjoyed the peace and the calm, one of the guys there did mention that it gets really crazy on the weekends, that’s why I got to chill there for hours because it ain’t a friggin’ weekend. Plus, I got an Iced Mocha on the house, woohoo!
I read magazines and talked to the locals, it’s amazing what you can from them, you have to be friendly to the locals because they can help you out big time. What surprised me though was that, I felt an urge write, which I haven’t done in a long time. Writing has been my best defense mechanism to counter all the bullshit life throws at me, I’ve been so busy with life that I barely have the time to hold a pen and just write and I’m really so happy that I got to do it here.
Then I went to take nap on the hammock at Flotsam and Jetsam, while waiting for 2 PM, so I can check in. This is what it looks like:
Had a little siesta time and gone surfen’, I mean, that’s the whole point of La Union other than the beach, learn how to surf. Luckily, there is a stand that offers surfing lessons just next to FlotJet, so I signed up there with my roomie, Lau.
Surfing is fairly easy, I got the full swing by the third round and it was awesome, I mean being able to stand and conquer and maneuver through the waves. I highly enjoyed surfing and this was the highlight of my trip, no photo for proof though because we were all busy in the water.
After that me and Lau got dinner and a few drinks and we were joined by Enzo and things just got crazy and fun. That’s all, no need to elaborate, the party was good ❤ ❤ ❤
It’s so good waking up and being able to see the beach first thing in the morning. I got breakfast at FlotJet and try the Kamias Jelly guys, you will not regret it, I promise. They have a healthy continental selection, I wish breakfast in Manila could be this damn good.
Itinerary:
Day 1
11:30-12:00MN – Arrival at Partas Terminal Cubao
12:00MD-4:30AM – Enroute to San Juan, La Union
4:30–5:30AM – Chill at hostel front desk
5:30-6:30AM – Watch the sunrise and chill by the beach
6:30-8:30AM – Go back to hostel and charge phone
8:30-10:30AM – Sun bathing, stroll by the beach and photo op
10:30AM-1:30PM – Brunch and chill at El Union Café
1:30-2:00PM – Chill at Flotsam and Jetsam resto, while waiting for check in
2:00-5:00PM – Check in hostel, settle down and nap time
5:00-5:30PM – Prep for surfing lesson
5:30-6:30 – Gone Surfen’
6:30PM-3:00AM Dinner, drinks & just partying
And a half
6:00-8:30AM – Bath and packing up stuff
8:30-11:30AM – Breakfast and chill by the hostel resto
11:30-12:00NN – check out and bound to Partas Terminal, San Fernando
Budget:
Total: P 2,652
Uber to Partas Cubao – P 113
Ticket to La Union – P 479
Bus Stop Snacks: P 50
Accommodation: P 1080
Brunch: P 280
Dinner: FREE (Thank you, Lau <3)
Drinks: Mule is P 100 per bottle I got like 2 and 2 other for free (Thank you, Enzo!)
Jeep to San Fernando: P 11
Surfing Lesson: P 400 for 1 hours, inclusive of instructor and board
Additional P 50 for back and forth van transfer because the waves in front of FlotJet was not good for beginners, so we to go somewhere else.
BAGUIO
Where did I stay: Bed and Bath at Station 120
Budget: 660 room/per night, no breakfast, shared bathroom
Book here: https://www.agoda.com/bed-and-bath-at-station-120/
Second stop, somewhere cold, as you might have noticed, I barely ate at La Union, I made the wrong decision of not having lunch first before I went on my next journey because when I got there I was so famished, I could eat a cow.
How to go there from San Juan, La Union: Ride a jeep going to San Fernando and ask the driver to drop you off Partas terminal and ride a bus bound to Baguio.
Bed and Bath at Station 120 is so conveniently located at the heart of the city, lucky me for booking this place, it’s near Baguio Public Market, SM Baguio, Burnham Park, Baguio Cathedral, Session Road and many more. A lot of places is just walking distance; hence, I did a lot of walking, which felt like I was doing cardio since the road goes up and down. Although, there toilet room is really lacking on leg room, so para-paraan nalang guys.
But, what did I do in Baguio? I went on a gastronomic journey, I ate and ate and drank and ate some more. I had Korean late lunch at Geney’s near the bus terminal, really cheap but really good. I’m not a fan of rice and they’re all for the rice, so I only had a small meal since it was already 3:00 when I ate, I wouldn’t want to get an upset stomach.
Then I went to SM Baguio since it was relatively near Geney’s, and I really didn’t know what I was gonna do while waiting for night time, I saw they had a 3D art wall exhibit and decided to check it out and I was not disappointed. Just look at those colorful and pretty creations! Sorry, they looked washed out by the light, the sun was blazing.
Then, I decided to check out the Baguio Museum, but unfortunately they were closed the time I went there, so I just opted to walk around the Sunshine Park and see beautiful flowers.
Then, I decided to eat at Tskolateria (only an hour after I ate at Geney’s haha), so I walked there, it was only 15 minutes away and Baguio’s temperature made walking bearable and enjoyable.
Tsokolateria’s menu is comprised of everything chocolate, which I was willing to try. Price is kind of expensive but, taste wise, it will not disappoint. I opted for the Chocolate Ah! with crispy lechon (what a combo diba?), it’s good for 2 people. I don’t eat lechon, FYI and boy, oh boy! Did Tsokolateria change my perspective on lechon, it’s so flavorful and perfectly crispy that I devoured the entire thing, bes as in, simot sarap, walang tira. Their tablea is the best tablea I have ever tasted in my life, it’s like drinking champorado and heaven knows how much I love champorado.
The Igorot Stairs signage will be the first thing that you will seeing when you are looking for this place
Igorot Stairs:
Then, I headed back to the hostel to rest for a bit and freshen up before I set off to Baguio Craft Brewery. I was really tempted to just lay down and sleep the night away because the blanket was so soft and smelled so good, I loved being burrito-ed by it.
But, if I did that, it would defeat my purpose of going to Baguio, so I got my lazy ass up and set off to Baguio Craft Brewery, which is t=the highlight of this Baguio trip. Me and my dad has been eyeing for a couple of years now to try drinking there but we always didn’t have the time, so I did it by myself.
BCB is quite pricey but trust me, it’s worth every cent. Food is very good and the beer was awesome! They had about 20 different flavors and would reco what you should go for. Since I wasn’t a beer drinker and I’m only trying to incorporate beer back into my life, I stayed with the fruit flavored beers. You can ask to taste 3-4 samples before you decide on what you’re getting, btw.
I opted for a glass of KiWheat(Kiwi), Strawberry and Lychee(2 glasses of this actually). I also ordered fish and chips, they have a big serving for a relatively low price for this one and the fries are not your usually salt and pepper, they also have rosemary in them. They use cream for the sauce and not mayonnaise, so that’s good because I don’t do mayo.
I opted to stay at the Biergarden, where I met Vinz, a fellow solo traveler from Iloilo. It’s so chill and so pretty there, I wish they had a branch in the Metro.
The next morning, I woke up really early, so I opted to walk around and head to Baguio Public Market to go buy pasalubong for my family, and just stroll around Session Road and find a good place to get breakfast.
I ended eating at Vizco’s because, I am absolutely inlove with their Strawberry shortcake, well strawberry in general tbh, but yes, if I am in Baguio and I do not get to eat strawberries, I guarantee that I will throw a tantrum. Lol
And here are some shots I took while going on a stroll:
Went back to the hostel and prepared for my next stop, the Tam-Awan Village, I would like to thank Vinz for letting me know about this place, it showcases the Cordillera region, and is the home of the International Art Festival, your artsy heart will not be let down, I promise, I highly reco that you guys go here.
There are tour guides to explain each station and entry.
Itinerary:
Day 1
11:30-12:00NN – Enroute to Partas San Fernando
12:00NN-2:30PM – Enroute Baguio
2:30–3:00PM – Check in at hostel and settle down
3:00-3:30PM – Late lunch at Geney’s
3:30-4:00PM – Stroll at SM Baguio
4:00-4:30PM – Stroll at Sunshine Park
4:30AM-5:30PM – Merienda at Tsokolateria
5:30-7:00PM – Head back to hotel to rest and freshen
7:00-7:20PM – Enroute to Baguio Craft Brewery
7:20PM-1:30AM – Chill drinking
And a half
6:00-7:30AM – Baguio Public Market and stroll around
7:30-8:30AM – Breakfast at Vizco’s
8:30-10:00AM – Continue pasalubong shopping
10:00 AM – 11:30 AM – Prepare for check out
11:30 AM – 12:00 NN – Check out and eat ice cream crepe at Scoop at Station 120
12:00 – 12:20 – Enroute to Tam-Awan Village
12:20 – 1:30 – Tour Tam-Awan Village
1:30-1:50 – Enroute to Station 120
1:50 – 2:10 – Enroute to van station to Manaoag
Budget:
Total: P 2,730
Bus to Baguio – P 104
Geney’s Lunch – P 75
Tsokolateria – P 250
Scoop – 105
Taxi to Tam-Awan Village – 77
Taxi back to hostel from Tam-Awan – 150 (Grab Taxi, it was hard to hail a cab going back to city proper)
Taxi to Baguio Craft Brewery – 74
Taxi back to hostel from BCB – 74
Accommodation – P 660/per night
Tam-Awan Village entrance fee – P 50
Baguio Craft Brewery: P 600 from original 900 – food and 4 glasses off beer but since Grab has a promo of 100 pesos off fruit flavored beer for 100 points, minus 300 hehehe
299 for souveneir shirt (optional)
Van to Manaoag – 110
Taxi to van station – 102
Other questions:
What is your travel bucket list for this trip?
- Learn something new
- L I V E
- Go to Baguio when the temperature drops real low and feel the cold wind
- Drink at Baguio Craft Brewery
- Have tablea at Tsokolateria
- Drink coffee at El Union Café
- Go somewhere I haven’t been to
I am glad to share that I have achieved all of them 😊
Should you have any more questions, fire away and I will answer them. I deliberately excluded my Manaoag trip in this article because that trip is a personal endeavor, but if you really want to know where I went, shoot me a message and I will share it with you.
This trip has been so liberating and I have never felt so free and alive. It’s very refreshing, despite only running on a 2-4 hour sleep each trip. I had all the energy to burn and I even made walwal for 3 consecutive nights. Are you planning a solo travel? GO FOR IT! Just remember “What’s stopping you?” because “There will never be a perfect time”
Lots of love,
Trish the Mermaid ❤
It’s Been A Long Time
It’s been a long time since I went out there to explore the sea of people like me, like you.
To attempt to sail the oceans of emotions with someone else on board like me, like you.
To feel the cold breeze on my legs but feel the warmth of your hug as you try to warm me up on a chilly Wednesday night when I convinced you to run with me to where the city couldn’t catch us.
It was exhilarating knowing that after so long, here I am, standing next to the person who I could potentially be with
So, imagine the sheer joy that overcame me every time I see your name pop up when my phone rings and I how much I look forward to all the times that I will get to be with you because you lighten my mood, ease my stress and make me happy
And that was dangerous, because it became exciting and fast moving but we changed, it was sudden then we ended with an abrupt halt.
The end that answered all the questions, the end that brought clarity and I am happy that it did because I was so confused along the journey
Love, I know that I was wrong, that I got excited and wanted to fast track whatever it is that we had.
But I also wish that you did not give me mixed signals and shrugged me off when I was asking you exactly what we were. I wanted clarity and I do believe that it is my right to know exactly where I stand with you, because I wanted to know what I should be expecting from your end and how I should be with you because “friends”, “FuBus”, “friends with benefits” and “dating” may sound like useless labels but each entitles different actions because they are different situations that have or may lead different agreements.
That’s what I needed, an agreement, ground rules and clarity. Is this “all body, no hearts”, “hearts and bodies” or “hearts, bodies and souls that intertwine”? But none of that matters now.
So, here I am back at the sea of people with mind over matter. No ‘what if’, ‘what could be’ or ‘what should have been’, just exploring and moving at the right pace all thanks to you.
Because whatever it was, whatever we were, all I can say is thank you for passing by.
The Inverted Trish 